"Coffee cake"??

Cops eat donuts, not coffee cake. Even in Canada. ESPECIALLY in Canada, where you can't walk three feet without tripping over a Tim Hortons.

The plotline in FBFW is getting pretty hairy for those of us traipsing along after Lynn Johnson's every-so-treacley fever dreams and hallucinations.
If you haven't been reading, let me bring you up to speed.
Last week, Michael's dad John went to Gordon Mayes' car dealership (which was a gas station until Elly and John invested in the business) to trade in his car.


Question: Why does Gordon (left) Michael's friend from high school look older than Michael's dad (right)?


Worst first panel line ever. "This isn't a coffeeshop anymore, Anthony. It's become a very nice restaurant." Inserting omniscient narrative into a single character's mouth does not work. And why does John look so ecstatic to be hanging out with his daughter's pathetic ex-boyfriend? I think something else is going on here:



But I digress...

In any event, over their reunion ("I just can't quit you Anthony Caine!") Mr. Moustache drops the bomb: Therese left him for another man, and dumped the baby in Anthony's lap.



Sounds pretty lame of Therese, doesn't it? Until you remember that Anthony married her even though he still loved Lizzie. And he begged Therese to have the baby, even though she didn't want kids. Anthony in fact promised that if she'd carry his spawn, he would watch the kid while Therese returned to work; then he got in a huff when that's exactly what she did. A few months later, when the first thunderheads heralded the Lizzie-Loves-Paul shenanigans (with the ass-grabbing, Paul's obsessive feelings for Lizzie, and their chaste overnight that ended with a peck), Anthony (who's still married) was begging Lizzie to "wait" for him. "An honest guy"? Right, if by "honest" you mean "manipulative and deceitful".


Well, you're the one that whined and cajoled until you got what you wanted. Therese probaly had to endure no end to your pathetic mewling.


I think the operative phrase isn't so much "give away" as "get rid of". As in "get rid of this failure of a husband."


And you did, motherfucker, you did. Who wanted a baby? YOU. Who wanted a house? YOU. Who's the assclown who married someone he didn't love? YOU. You got everything you wanted. How's it feel to be the big winner?


Yeah, that's what I thought. Tattoo a big letter "L" on your forehead, I have a feeling it's gonna come in pretty handy when you go crawlign back to lizzie and she kicks your weak, impotent ass to the curb.
Oh, and unless your new career is either pornography or cruising bathhouses, shave that mustache.