Sunday, February 06, 2005

SuperBowl Bloggin'

Before I begin blogging the Bowl, or more accurately my conversion to a football fan, I have to comment on what is the lamest pregame I have seen. I can barely watch.

Right now I'm watching Charlie Daniels, who is playing what I believe may be the only song he knows anymore, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." The guy waddles onto the stage, this self-important troll and begins sawing away at that godawful ditty.

He must be a nightmare at parties. "Oh shit, here comes Chuck with the fiddle. How much you bet we're gonna have to hear that one about the Devil?"

"Yee-haw! I'm a-glad as I can be to be hear at yore garden party, and ah'm a-gonna express mah gratitude by playin' ya'll a little song I call The Dev--"

"No, no somebody stop him, stop him!" A martyr launches out from stage left, the guy blocking the bullet, except he's going for Charlie's bow, and you hear him yell in slow motion "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Seriously, that's all Charlie has to offer now: jingo and the Devil Went Down to Georgia.

Anyhow, Chuck's on stage as part of country star Gretchen Wilson's show. There is a crowd of about 60 people on the gridiron, jumping up and down and dancing (sort of) to Gretchen's "I'm Here for the Party." She has another big hit "Red Neck Woman". She could be good, you want her to be good... but she sucks, like 90% OF THE REST OF CONTEMPORARY COUNTRY MUSIC. And what's with the fake crowd? It must look as surreal from up in the stands as it does from my TV, this kind of simulated mini-party that you watch but don't really participate in. At the restaurant, one of the cookies we offer for dessert is the snickerdoodle. Now, I'm not one for sweets in general, but the snickerdoodle cookie sucks: it's a dry shortbread style cookie, the kind that come in festive tins every Christmas. The name snickerdoodle with it name that cries out "I must be delicious, since even my name implies laughter!" does not deliver on its promise. The same is true for the fake crowd jumping up and down for Gretchen Wilson. If she's so great, let her sing to the crowd in the stands like any other arena band would.

But Charlie sucks worse than Gretchen ever could. Someone dig that man a grave and put one of his feet on a banana peel. Charlie actually used to be cool, but then he became this born-again fundamentalist, spouting mindless pro-Bush slogans on his website. Gimme a fucking break.
Earlier during the pregame I saw Bill Clinton and George Bush Senior expounding on the SuperBowl with the rest of the hosts. "Great," I mumbled. "Here we have the last decent president and the hand behind the current Resident. Go figure." This was followed by a tribute to the Declaration of Independence, including the part about the citizen's duty to throw off tyrannical governments. Food for thought, Poppy, food for thought.

So anyway, over the past few years I have to my surprise become something of a fan of the game. My former housemate, Chris Dennstadt, is a rabid fan. When we lived together, he would be watching the game on the TV, checking the radio constantly for scores from the other teams, AND constantly monitoring the internet on my computer, watching other games and keeping score, while discussing all the games with his equally obsessive girlfriend. Game day filled our apartment with howls of "GET 'EMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM," "GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGGOOOOOO," and of course "NOOOOOOOOO!" Chris and I liked to drink together, so I would inevitably end up on the couch myself. It's fun to root for your home team, even if you don't know what's going on.

What has happened recently is that I actually became interested int he strategy of the game. I got tired of sounding like an ignoramus when the topic of football came up, and paid a visit to the wikipedia. Now that I've gotten a grasp of the rules, it has only made me like the game even more. My father, who hates football, can't understand what has happened. I try to tell him that I've developed an appreciation for the strategy, the fluidity of the game, and he just isn't having it.

[Game day commercial criticism: I just saw a commercial about how great TV is. Oh my God, I'm going to be sick. On the other hand the Tostitos ad was funny.]

I think kickoff is coming anytime now. I'm supposed to meet up with Ken Rosso, but I may just hide out in the house.

Nope, no kickoff yet. An introduction to the Iggles and the Pats... coming up, a tribute to "the greatest generation" and a military tribute to the national anthem.
The Ford commercial featuring the bikers sucked. "We don't just maike our trucks tough, we make YOU tough?" What kind of bullshit hard sell is that? Way to go, scrapple-for-brains, encourage MORE aggressive driving.

Now they're honoring the "Greatest Generation" with a brass flourish and Michael Douglas em-ceeing, including the Tuskegee Airmen (with no mention of what was done to them). Now, I'm all for honoring WW2 veterans, indeed all veterans, but isn't it more respectful to do that by making sure Social Security remains solvent, making sure our current troops have proper armor (never mind not sending them into harm's way for personal profit). Not cutting funds for VA hospitals would be nice too. Yes, I know, it's the SuperBowl not Congress, but still. I just want to watch the game: if you're going to insist on shoving all this America rah-rah stuff at me, and I mean above and beyond the National Anthem, which I don't mind at all, I'm going to point out the bucket of hypocrisy you're digging it out of.

First quarter just started. More at the commercial.

Worst Diet Pepsi commercial ever.
"The Ameriquest Insurance Halftime Show". HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Good to see not succumbing to the new anti-indecency fervor, great commercial, and with tits!

Diet Pepsi commercial 2, with the Queer Eye guy: clever enough, sort of.

The cell phone ad with the guy who learns he's "sharing?" his girlfriend was lame and offensive.

New Simpsons looks bad.

Awesome run by TO! And then that whole illegal play the Pats just got flagged on!

I just dropped by dailykos, where there's a slow SuperBowl thread. Same at atrios.

[On another note, I have begun to personify the Murphy's Law lyric "Sit Home and Rot"...]


[I buy a case of beer every week and stay home. I don't even leave during the day, just putter around the house. This was true before I got fired from the restaurant, a story I will go into later this week, because it's pretty funny. Anyway, I find myself reluctant to leave the house unless I have a gig or there's some shopping to do. Although yesterday I went on a longish bike ride in the southwest suburbs, I came back feeling the whole exercise had been pointless. Tomorrow, depending on whether I have interviews lined up, and of course on the weather, I may try a ride up to Valley Forge. But I am making myself absent from the bars and coffeehouses these days, bored with the people around me and feeling useless overall. After last night's gig I left within an hour of getting off stage, not wanting to deal with people. I went home less than totally inebriated after Friday's gig at Dawson's too, and left Fiume early on Thursday.

I'm also depressed most of the time now. I miss my girlfriend and I want to start fathering. I just want life to not be on pause anymore: is that too much to ask? There's a goddam baby that needs his father, and a father that needs to do everything that's required of him, and then some. This half-ass life is no life at all.]


As I've said earlier, I'm happy no matter who wins: but I do want the Eagles to win more.

More after the game.