Monday, April 17, 2006


When you live in the city, especially a river city like Philadelphia, there is always the chance you'll get mice or roaches.

I got mice recently, and not only did I get mice, I got smart mice: they won't go near the snap traps, no matter what I use for bait. So today, I bought glue traps, one of the most evil, and most effective, traps made.

The glue trap is a shallow plastic tray filled with jellied super glue. I am telling you, that stuff is strong: God forbid your finger touches the stuff, because you will lose skin getting it off.

I noted which parts of the kitchen had the most traffic from my visitor (or visitors), and laid the traps accordingly, and went out for a beer or two or three. When I came home, I heard a clear squeeek! coming from the back, and rushed to the kitchen. There, behind the sugar canister, was a little grey mouse, stuck fast in the glue. He was caught by the belly and his chin, his little legs scrambling futilely to get away.

Mice actually kind of freak me out a little bit. Even when they're dead and in a snap trap, I avoid handling them. Disease. or more to the point What if it wakes up and bites me an dgives me rabies? I considered letting the mouse die overnight, smothering himself in the glue. Poor little guy, in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"I'm sorry man," I said, as I used the dustpan to pull the trap to the edge of the counter. "You're stuck to that stuff.

"I wish this didn't have to happen, but I can't let you go. You'll only come back."

I poked the trap/mouse into the dustpan and put it on the floor. "I feel bad, I really do. I don't know what to tell you. I've never done this before.

"It's better this way. I'm sorry, I really am sorry, but otherwise you're just going to suffer."

And I dropped a cinderblock on him. Then I picked the block up and dropped it again, just to make sure, jumping half out of my skin when I looked down and saw the chunk of guts or brains or whatever that had splattered on my shirt. I flailed at my chest to get it off. I've never deliberately killed an animal before, at least not so personally: do snap traps count?

I bent down and scraped the trap and flattened mouse corpse from the bottom of the cinderblock into the garbage can.

There are two more glue traps in the kitchen, and one in the bathroom. A regular Mouschwitz.


Blogger Phillybits said...

You murderer, you. That's mouseicide

8:37 AM  

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