Wednesday, May 03, 2006

In It

I am in a depression right now.
Oy it hurts.
I'm going to put on theDelmore Brothers. This will actually make things worse, but not as bad as putting on Doc Watson. Not that there's anything wrong with Doc, the man is one of the nicest people I've had the privilege of meeting, but his voice brings on the blues like no one else can. Even his happy songs are blue.

I wish I could explain the feeling. It's not like a broken bone, a chipped tooth, or even a scraped knee. It's not like being sick, when your body's been taken over by an alien virus or bacteria.

It's from way deep inside, grabs you by the intestines and doesn't let go. You want to cry, but you can't and what's the point anyway? It won't make things better.

Muddy Waters once sang that he couldn't be satisfied. Muddy Waters was the best blues singer in the world. I know what he meant, the same way i knew what George Jones' ex-wife meant when she said that George was one of those folks who couldn't stand to be happy.

Except unlike George, I really, really, REALLY want to be happy again.


Blogger upyernoz said...

hey cheer up!

yeah, i didn't think it would work either. but i felt like i should say something. seriously, i hope you feel better soon

12:55 PM  
Blogger Brendan said...

yeah, what canya do.
It's like an arthritis flare-up, but in your brain: there's not much you can do about it, especially when you're adamantly opposed to those brain-numbing, physically-addictive, libido-stripping drugs. About the only thing worse than being depressed, that I can think of, is being impotent.

I think I'll feel better, by a long shot, when I get a custody agreement in writing. Honestly, most of the emotional ups and downs are rooted in not seeing my son.

Funny: I never really grasped what people meant when they said "just wait til you have kids", because usually they were talking about excusing some sort of unacceptable behavior.
Oh man. Now I know.

1:06 PM  

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