A Second Open Letter to Clint Black

Dear Clint,

It is disgusting that you, Clint Black, tried to profit from the war in Iraq using others' sacrifice as a way to sell a couple more teeshirts.

If it were not so hilariously awful, so mind-bogglingly ignorant, and so unintentionally funny, it would be even more disgusting to hear the incredibly stupid song the shirt is associated with. [Scroll down to the Clint Black Foundation and click on I Raq and I Roll to hear the Clint do his musical "Triumph of the Will"] The only saving grace is how hilarious the song is, and I say that channelling Kurt Vonnegut.

I guess I know now why my previous letter to your management went unanswered: you're a total fucking lunatic wingnut!

Mr. Black, please accept my condolences, and pardon the mockery that simply must ensue after hearing a song as worthless, offensive to everyone, and as irrelevant (not to mention outlandish) as "I Raq and Roll." Do you sing this at military funerals?

Maybe I'm just plain ding-dong-diddly deranged Mr. Black, but we don't seem to be Raqin' and Rollin' in Iraq lately: over 1,800 dead on the battlefield, 9,000 dead when you count the ones who die in or en route to Walter Reed, and no end in sight. Saddam Hussein had never attacked us, Mr. Black. And what's with the implicit threat toward your own countrymen, Mr. Black?

Friends, I divest myself of, I renounce, I make a poopoo upon, any remnant of any respect I held for Mr. Black. I feel like the waiter at the end of Monty Python's meaning of life, when the woman scrubbing the floor turns out to be a racist and he dumps a bucket of puke and guts on her head. There is no way I can continue to enjoy music by someone this completely idiotic and I will never ever listen to his music again.

Prepare to be bowled over by Clint Black's ingenious personal brand of jingoism, McCarthyism, religious fascism, and imperialism. Oh and listen to the track. It's fucking hysterical.

I Raq and I Roll

You can wave your signs in protest against America takin' stands.
The stands America's takin' are the reason that you can.
If everyone would go for peace, there'd be no need for war,
But we can't ignore the devil; he'll keep comin' back for more.

Some see this in black and white; others only grey.
We're not beggin' for a fight, no matter what they say.
We have a resolution that should put 'em all to shame.
It's a...a different kind of deadline when I'm called in the game.

I rock, I rack 'em up an' I roll.
I'm back, an' I'm a high-tech GI Joe.
I pray for peace, prepare for war,
And I never will forgive.
There's no price too high for freedom,
So be careful where you tread.

Now this terror isn't man to man; they can be no more than cowards.
They won't show us their weapons: we might have to show them ours. [This begs for a smartass comment. Just sayin']
Now it might be a smart-bomb; they find stupid people too.
If you stand with the likes of Saddam, one just might find you.

I rock, I rack 'em up an' I roll.
I'm back, an' I'm a high-tech GI Joe.
I got infra-red, I got GPS,
I got that good old-fashioned lead.
There's no price too high for freedom,
So be careful where you tread.

Now, you can come along, or you can stay behind,
An' you can get out of the way.
But our troops take out the garbage,
For the good ol' U.S.A.

I rock, I rack 'em up an' I roll. (In the U.S.A.)
I rock, I rack 'em up an' I roll. (Talkin' 'bout the U.S.A.)
I rock, I rack 'em up an' I roll. (In the U.S.A.)
I rock, I rack 'em up an' I roll. (Talkin' 'bout the U.S.A.)
I rock, I rack 'em up an' I roll. (In the U.S.A.)

[hat tip to atrios for the tee-shirt images, which inspired my explorations into Clint Black's totally fucked up world.