Tuesday, February 14, 2006

And Now, a Message from the Minority Leader

Hello, my name is Harry Reid, the minority leader in the Senate.

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You may know me as the guy who was unable to persuade my fellow Democrats to support a filibuster against Samuel Alito, a man whose hostility to civil rights, reproductive rights, and presidential powers are as well known as his willingness to lie to get a government job. I'm also the guy who "saved the filibuster" by "promising not to use it", thus allowing John Roberts to be appointed Chief Justice.

Supposedly, I am a real pit bull. And it shows in my recent treatment of Paul Hackett, Image hosting by Photobucket
an Iraq veteran and fighting Democratwho not only came within a few percentage points of his opponent for the House in what was supposed to be a landslide, rock-ribbed GOP district, but has been running aggressively in his 2006 Senate campaign. The campaign I just helped derail. Yup, ME motherfucker. And by "derail" I mean, a total fucking train wreck that puts the Old 97 to shame, and makes Casey Jones look like fender bender.

Y'see, Charles Schumer and I decided, as we did in Pennsylvania, that instead of letting the VOTERS decide who they wanted to run for a given seat WE'D make that decision for them.

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We started calling Hackett's funders, telling them to stop coughing up the dough. "Give it to Sherrod Brown," we said. "Hackett's going belly up." According to some people we got a good whisper campaign going that Hackett had committed war crimes; don't tell me the Democrats haven't learned anything, we took that one right out of Rove's playbook! And you know how successful we were? Hackett may drop out of politics altogether! Score! We totally broke an up-and-coming Democrat! Beat THAT Unka Karl!!
Oh sure, Gary Hart doesn't agree, but y'know what? FUCK GARY HART! Who the fuck does that little philanderer think he is? I'm the minority leader, not him, and since I plan to remain the minority leader for a loooooong time, he should shut up. I know better how to keep us Democrats a minority.

It is in that spirit that I offer you our new logo for 2006. I'm sure you will find it accurately represents our party's leadership:

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So remember, in 2006, vote for the party that wants to remain the minority! The Democratic Party: we eat our own.


Blogger Phillybits said...

Dude...go to Phillybits or Kos. There's new Abu Ghriab pictures out.

8:08 PM  

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