Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Never Ending Bible Movie

Channel 48 out of Burlington New Jersey used to be really cool. An independent, low budget UHF station, they would broadcast everything from informercials to reruns of the A-TEAM to Inspector Gadget. I remember how the station carried me through the flu: in the afternoons when other channels veered toward ultra-insipid cartoons (FOX, UPN), ultra-insipid soaps (everything else except PBS), or adult education (PBS), channel 48 would be airing the Love Boat, Courtship of Eddie's Father, and the Hogan Family. Then one day TV Paradise was gone, bought up by Trinity Broadcasting, all Jesus all day. Goodbye Mr. T, hello unctuous-bordering-on-psychotic preacher.

The worst part of the takeover is the evening programming: beginning around 9:00, The Never Ending Bible Movie begins. It's shot in technicolor, the sets could have been stolen from the original Star Trek series, and the acting is as melodramatic as any Heston epic.

The movie never ends. I have never seen the movie end. On a given night, I have seen the walls of Jericho, apparently made of cardboard, come tumbling down; Moses parting the red sea; and of course, like some kind of fetish, the execution of Jesus Christ.
The Never-Ending Bible Movie: I stared this post On October 17; it's now a full week later, and the fucking movie doesn't end. It's on right now.
Read Age of Reason. It's much better.


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