Thursday, February 23, 2006


Lynn Johnston, well on her way into menopause and the eventual withering of her genitals, is beginning to live vicariously through the characters in For Better or For Worse. I've said this before, but the past two days' strips are just over the top, even without my edits.

February 22: Image hosting by Photobucket

February 26: Image hosting by Photobucket

[I particularly like the look in Lizzy's face, and could not resist the anal sex reference. The strip just cries out for it!]

OK, this goes way too far into my FBFW knowledge, but:

A few months ago, Lizzy was going to move in with this other guy, but backed out when he wanted –gasp- to have sex with her.There was no way she was going to do it, and if I recall the break up was bitter.

My prediction: Lizzy and Paul will consummate their relationship over the weekend. The signs are all there. The panel in yesterday’s cartoon where he’s lifting her up off her feet, thrusting his pelvis forward (GROSS) followed by “pull the drapes”. Today, he’s hugging her from behind and telling her “turn around”. At this point I’m not sure if Lynn Johnston is sweating because of her hot flashes or whether she's rubbing the damp patch between her legs in ever more furious circles (I know, it’s gross, but I was an English major with a focus on lit crit, and this is what we do).

A friend of mine predicts a full-color sextravaganza with Paul and Lizzy on Sunday, but I don’t see it. Although one has to wonder whether Johnston has a collection of "too-hot-for-United Press" doodles: Paul and Lizzy wrapped in a 69; Lizzy riding cowgirl, her abundant and ripe breasts bouncing in the moonlight; Paul hittin' it doggy-style, with his thumb up her rump; Paul's face and Lizzy's face, contorted in orgasm... the list goes on and on. [By the way, have I mentioned I just got a freelance job writing dirty letters for Hustler Fantasies? It's true! But I digress...]

It’ll happen overnight Friday, and by Saturday, Lizzy and Paul will be in bed, with the covers up to the chest (like so many John and Elly midnight conversations) discussing their commitment and their love. It will be so treacly sweet that your teeth will actually begin to fall out of your head. And of course the homily. "Was it good for you?" "Girl, you're always good for me." Or something.

I also predict Paul will die in the line of duty, just before the marriage, with a surprise twist: Lizzy’s pregnant. This plot device that will bring yet another baby into the Patterson’s home, to replace the soon-to-enroll-in-university April, thus prolonging the relevance of Elly (who’ll have time on her hands now that she’s selling the bookstore).


Blogger Tim said...

It sounds like you, sir, are well on the way into menopause...

2:53 PM  
Blogger Brendan said...

No, you're confusing "menopause" with "mad cow". The holes in my brain are big enough to throw a baseball through.

And like you've never thought about giving Lizzy Patterson a good pounding, legs over the shoulders and everything.

That reminds me: I forgot to mention Lizzy gargling Paul's sack.

3:36 PM  
Blogger lulu said...

I just discovered your blog, and based on this post, I might be in love with you.

9:19 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home